I am struggling once again... shame covers me as i type these languid words
how selfish i feel. how much i have missed the mark.
In Ro 1:16 Paul says, 'I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile.' Yet, i have been so ashamed of the gospel and have silenced my representation of its power to redeem.
How much i am in the way of righteousness! truly it is only rags i have to offer. for many times that an ever so friendly and truly interested person asks me about my faith have i backed down. or when i have thought in my mind to say something about my Gd, who i love so very dearly, have i not said it for fear of being rejected or for fear of being offensive.
Is 51:7 'Hear me, you who know what is right, you people who have my law in your hearts: Do not fear the reproach of men or be terrified by their insults.' Yet, i am afraid and ashamed. so, i have become ashamed of my shame.
Lrd show me when to speak and when to hold my tongue. Let me not be shamed of my adoration of You. Teach me to speak from my heart. As i read Your word give me Your words for my mouth. How sweet a message in due season! Help me not be ashamed of how important You are to me. Don't let me hide from the world but help me to be a light.
I want to feel comfortable sharing my life of faith with people. so, much has been said of how people will reject and make fun of me when i share that its hard to be brave and speak up! Yet, i can not blame others. i am responsible for my actions.
i am not saying that i think i am a complete failure with no hope. i am not seeking complements or encouragement (though encouragement is always welcome!). i am merely wanting to share a failure and lean on the only hope any man has.
Teach me to hear and obey your word oh Lrd!
amen to your prayer...for you, for myself, for all of us.
ReplyDeletePraise Him for atonement, for Love which washes over a multitude of things.
amen. i have been there too often.
ReplyDeletei too have been there. but don't let shame get you down. i'm pretty sure the enemy guilts us so much so we can remain motionless...frozen in fear and stuck in the proverbial slime of our sin. be of good cheer! like peter, dearly beloved by our Savior but also denying his existence, we can make things right. dust yourself off and start again! He has not given you a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. that means you are brave, strong and loving. Yay you! Yay Jesus!
ReplyDeletethe wrestle is what ultimately changes us.... and you my friend are wrestling. I feel like I'm going through the exact same thing right now. if we were content in our inaction, we'd never change. So praise the L-rd for Holy DisContentment.
ReplyDelete