we laid taciturn
as the light faded
not for us
but on the world
the tree limbs above us
their leaves beneath
our separate bodies
yet fingers intertwined
we stayed there
the chill slowly
removing my worldly
cares one by one
no longer necessities
the desires of this world
fled as darkness covered
the earth
can you hear this great silence?
this deafening hush?
it's blatancy offends my soul
causing cacophonous cravings
lusts unimaginable
but wait, the stars
the stars break forth
like eagles and sing Your name
My only thought now
my only desire now
my only zeal,
is the warmth
of your hand!
and i am made
to be content
for You are with me
good stuff you should submit it to the literary mag.
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful poem.
ReplyDeleteReally good J. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeletethanks guys, but i feel it's not quite capturing my thought as well as i would like it to. needs some work... any suggestions?
ReplyDeleteJ -
ReplyDeleteReally like the poem. Really do. Great imagery, spot on pacing, good emotional evocation. Sound like the audience changes a couple times in the last two stanzas. Maybe that's where your expression isn't quite what you want.
thanks jacky k,
ReplyDeletei really like the line, "causing cacophonous cravings" but maybe it stands out too much? then that might be a good thing b/c the change may convey the craze that is felt when G-d is seemingly silent.
your right the last stanzas aren't quite what i wanted. the feeling is lost and it become too personal. i lost the story feel.
i want to bring the music theme back in in the last stanza.
do You hear this great silence?
ReplyDeletethis deafening hush?
it's blatancy offends my soul
causing cacophonous cravings
lusts unimaginable...
but wait, the stars
the stars! break forth
like eagles to sing Your praise
now i can see Your song
the melody of warmth
in our hands
and i am made content
no bite, no bounce
no heat, no fade
could ever divorce what
Your grasp has made