4.20.13

'And I'm afraid and everyone's afraid
And everyone knows it but we don't have to be afraid anymore.' - Torches Together by MeWithOutYou

I'm reminded of a band i listened to a lot in high school.  Something about this music just hits my guts, hits my deep passions and desires.

I am doing some free counseling sessions for a friend of Cristina's that's finishing her masters.  I'm beginning to see my desire for intimacy as a positive thing.  I think i used to be so embarrassed of this desire that i wouldn't even let myself know i felt it...  In my session this week, Monica called me a 'people person.'  I've always seen this as a negative thing too.  A 'people person' has in my past conjured up ideas like irresponsibility, air-headedness, ignorance, over compassion...  But during this session i was able to see 'people personness' as just the ability to be good with people.  And also, that this is just one aspect of who i am not my whole identity.  It's cool to see this as a positive part of me instead of a consuming obstacle to be overcome.

That said, i had an interview at Farmers insurance this week.  I've grown up with a negative stereotype to sales people...  My dad sold water softeners when i was a kid and it didn't have much success with it.  So, i heard about it growing up that sales is a bad deal...  but i'm understanding this is my parents experience with sales and that doesn't necessarily mean it will be my experience.  So, i've been praying about it quietly in my heart.

1 Cor 10:13 'No temptation has seized you beyond what people normally experience, and God can be trusted not to allow you to be tempted beyond what you can bear. On the contrary, along with the temptation he will also provide the way out, so that you will be able to endure.'

What an encouraging verse.  I especially like it when tied with the quote from MeWithOutYou about being afraid.  'I'm afraid, your afraid and everyones afraid...'  All men have been afraid.  Fear is not an uncommon temptation among men.  But Yeshua has conquered fear, He will offer a way out, He will guide and provide when we focus on His path.

I feel like im in a season of making G-d my own, or rather G-d making me His...  Where i am learning about Yeshua from Yeshua instead of just simply trusting what others have experienced and believed.  It's a growing process and sometimes feels rebellious because it may mean disagreeing with people whom i love and respect.  I have spent 27 years following the G-d of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, but i believe the L-rd is now desiring to have a personal relationship with me.  So, i can truly say i follow the L-rd my strength, my shield, and my comfort.  Which is really what i want.  I want true intimacy with Yeshua, and if i am allowed, intimacy with the father.

So, i may do things people have advised me to not do, and i may not fit the mold my mentors have cut out for me...  I pray Yeshua keeps me humble and close to His heart.  I'm so afraid of becoming fat and kicking...  but fear of pride can not be a reason for not moving forward.

Sh'ma Israel, Adonai, the L-rd is your G-d!!  He has not forgotten you and so now i can trust He will not deal unjustly with me.  Yeshua, i plead Your blood on my whole being.  Use me, help me be worthy of the calling You have for me.

Hopefully, i have spurred some thoughts in those who have read this.
I love you guys, thanks for reading!!
-J-